Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Baby broke mommy's heart to tears - 12 Oct 2008 (sunday)

Baby refused breast since Sunday afternoon. Tried to feed her several times even in the car on our way to Grandad's house but she refused to have it. Mommy was very heart broken cos everytime mommy offer her, she's just turn away. It's not her usual reaction and it's as if she thinks it's embarassing to continue to have mommy's breast milk. I thought she would probably want it during bed time. Surprisingly, she didn't want either and when i gave her bottle with milk powder, she drank it instantly and finish the whole bottle. I was so heart broken and can't hold my tears. She doesn't want me anymore and she has grown up suddenly??i'm not ready for that emotionally. Then she just toss and turn around on the bed trying to fall asleep but she couldn't as this is not her usual way to fall asleep. Usually, I'll nurse her till she falls asleep. I thought I'll just let her practice to fall asleep by herself but she sort of disturbed daddy. So, I brought her to granny's room. Granny said probably she has grown-up and thinks she shouldn't be drinking from mommy's breast anymore or maybe granny teased her in the afternoon by saying she shouldn't drink mommy's milk anymore. I just feel like crying out loud. At last she fell asleep in granny's arm around 11pm, after making some noises cos she was extremely sleepy already. Later at 2:30am, she woke up again. Normally, she'd want to have breast milk and fall back to sleep. But this time she refused and just cried. So, i carried her downstairs, she lean her head on my shoulder and fell asleep after that. Daddy made her milk bottle but she rejected it. I pity her. She seem restless and tired but just couldn't sleep. Then she woke up at 5:30am, same thing, I carried her downstairs again and this time she didn't seem to want to sleep anymore. She wanted to play.So, i showed her some flash cards. Granny woke up around 7:30am and brought her to the garden for a walk. I told granny what happened the whole night. We suspect it could be that granny told her she cannot drink mommy's milk anymore or she had stomach ache. Anyway, later when they came back from their morning walk, granny asked her if she wants nen nen. Granny said "o.k., mommy nen nen ya? mommy, mommy come". At last, she didn't reject me and fell asleep after that. I miss her so much that i hold her, put her head on my right arm, my left hand on her waist and lie on the sofa together with her. I miss her so so so much. Keep on smelling her and lean my cheek on her head. I love her hair. They are so fine and soft.Miss miss miss her madly!! Mommy's not ready to quit breast feeding emotionally :P

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